There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that.
~ Steve Martin ~

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often.
~ Oliver Herford ~

At 38 years, I finally got me the woman that said those six words I wanted all my life to hear: 'My dad owns a liquor store.'
~ Mark Klein ~

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
~ Tim Allen ~

Why would I make one woman so miserable when I can make so many women very happy?
~ Benny Hill ~

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'
~ Emo Philips ~

nstead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.
~ Lewis Grizzard ~

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
~ Les Dawson ~

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three dollar pantyhose that won't run.
~ Phyllis Diller ~

A woman's guess is much more accurate than a man's certainty.
~ Rudyard Kipling ~

What would bug a guy from the Taliban more than seeing a gay woman in a suit surrounded by Jews?
~ Ellen DeGeneres (as spoken at the 2001 Emmy's)

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
~ Groucho Marx ~

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.
~ Tallulah Bankhead ~