"Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?"
~ Tom Lehrer ~

"Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife."
~ James H. Kabbler III ~

"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago."
~ Dan Quayle ~

"Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire PR officers."
~ Daniel J. Boorstin ~

"Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling you, this guy is presidential material."
~ Dave Letterman (On his running for California Governor)

"It's the most important decision I've had to make since 1978 when I decided to get a bikini wax."
~ Arnold Schwarzenegger ~

"My choice early in life was either to be a piano-player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference."
~ Harry S. Truman ~

"Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living."
~ P. J. O'Rourke ~

"Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary."
~ Robert Louis Stevenson ~

"Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book."
~ Ronald Reagan ~

"A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar."
~ H. L. Mencken ~

"You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think."
~ Milton Berle ~

"Run for office? No. I've slept with too many women, I've done too many drugs, and I've been to too many parties."
~ George Clooney ~