"I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts."
~ Will Rogers ~

"Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift" ... they say "President", we say "stupid psychopathic git."
~ Alexai Sayle ~

"In America any boy may become President and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes."
~ Adlai Stevenson ~

"The President has kept all the promises he intended to keep."
~ Clinton aide George Stephanopolous ~

"The Internet is a gateway to get on the net."
~ Bob Dole ~

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
~ Dan Quayle ~

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
~ David Dinkins, New York City Mayor ~

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
~ Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC ~

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
~ Hillary Clinton ~

"You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone."
~ Al Capone ~

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
~ A Congressional Candidate in Texas ~

"A fool and his money are soon elected."
~ Will Rogers ~

"A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done."
~ Fred Allen ~