Why did God create men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.
~ Madonna - Dangerous Game (1993) ~

Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself -- like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.
~ Jean Kerr ~

A man in the house is worth two in the street.
~ Mae West ~

I love men, even though they're lying, cheating scumbags.
~ Gwyneth Paltrow ~

All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
~ Henry Youngman ~

This guy says, 'I'm perfect for you, because I'm a cross between a macho and a sensitive man.'
I said, 'Oh, a gay trucker?'
~ Judy Tenuta ~

If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children...' - they leave skid marks.
~ Rita Rudner ~

To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior'.
~ Rita Rudner ~

I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.
~ Zsa Zsa Gabor ~

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison.
~ Tim Allen ~

I love the lines the men use to get us into bed. 'Please, I'll only put it in for a minute.' What am I, a microwave?
~ Beverly Mickens ~

Men can read maps better than women. Cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equalling a hundred miles.
~ Roseanne Barr ~

When I eventually met Mr Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
~ Rita Rudner ~

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
~ Tim Allen ~

Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later, for another thing, they die earlier.
~ H. L. Mencken ~

Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.
~ Diana Jordan ~

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
~ Robin Williams ~

Perfect numbers like perfect men are very rare.
~ Rene Descartes ~

A succesful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A succesful woman is one who can find such a man.
~ Lana Turner ~