"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."
~ Rodney Dangerfield ~

"Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel."
~ Leonardo Di Vinci ~

"I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern."
~ Mickey Rooney ~

"A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two people remembering the same thing."
~ Duane Dewel ~

"The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at home too much."
~ Colin Chapman ~

"In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker."
~ Woody Allen ~

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."
~ Patrick Murray ~

"I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife."
~ Tony Curtis ~

"A woman voting for divorce is like a turkey voting for Christmas."
~ Alice Glynn ~

"The appropriate age for marriage is around eighteen for girls and thirty-seven for men."
Aristotle.

" It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!"
~ Richard Jeni ~

"Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings ... and lawyers."
~ Richard Pryor ~