I don't intend for this to take on a political tone. I'm just here for the drugs.
~ Nancy Reagan, former First Lady ~

I love deadlines. I especially love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
~ Douglas Adams, Author of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy ~ ~ Rodney Dangerfield ~

Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.
~ Ken Dodd ~ ~ J.B. Morton ~

My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.
~ Paul Getty ~

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
~ Robert A. Heinlein ~

Our local Catholic church has plans to bring their parishioners to services by bus; they plan to call it mass transit.
~ Robert Tanner ~

When on the ladder of success, don't let boys look up your dress!
~ Unknown `

Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, I say, are you going to drink that?
~ Lisa Claymen ~

A horse may be coaxed to drink, but a pencil must be lead.
~ Stan Laurel ~

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
~ Unknown ~

Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.
~ Franklin P. Jones ~

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
~ Jack Handey ~