"When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her."
~ Sacha Guitry ~

"There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that."
~ Steve Martin ~

"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."
~ Groucho Marx ~

"In married life three is company and two none."
~ Oscar Wilde ~

"It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't."
~ Spike Milligan ~

"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher."
~ Socrates ~

"The General was essentially a man of peace, except of course in his domestic affairs."
~ Oscar Wilde ~

"Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage."
~ Ambrose Bierce ~

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
~ Groucho Marx ~

"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe."
~ Jimmy Durante ~

"Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day."
~ Mickey Rooney ~

"In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues."
~ Helen Rowland ~

"My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact."
~ Roseanne Barr ~