"I drink therefore I am."
~ WC Fields ~

"An alcoholic is anyone you don't like who drinks more than you do."
~ Dylan Thomas ~

"Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol."
~ NF Simpson ~

"My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?"
~ Henry Youngman ~

"I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy."
~ Fred Allen ~

"I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry."
~ Robert Benchley ~

"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it."
~ Rodney Dangerfield ~