As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
~ Sir Norman Wisdom ~

I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.
~ Bob Hope ~

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.
~ Gracie Allen ~

There is absolutely nothing to be said in favour of growing old. There ought to be leglislation against it.
~ Patrick Moore ~

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
~ Lucille Ball ~

Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever.
~ Don Marquis ~

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.
~ George Burns (Just you and me Kid, 1979) ~

Yes, time flies. And where did it leave you? Old too soon...smart too late.
~ Mike Tyson ~

You know you're getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.
~ John Mendoza ~

As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't.
~ Carrie Fisher ~

As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.
~ Robert Quillen ~

People say that age is just a state of mind. I say it's more about the state of your body.
~ Geoffrey Parfitt ~

I'm back... and you knew I was coming. On my way here I passed a cinema with the sign 'The Mummy Returns'.
~ Margaret Thatcher (on campaigning for Conservative William Hague, May 2001) ~

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
~ George Burns ~

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas'.
~ Claude D. Pepper ~